Darla Stories... 9-1-1 edition, Dallas

As I mentioned last week, I have had some experience with calling 9-1-1. We lived in Dallas for the first two years we were married. And it just so happens that I was in need of the 9-1-1 services while we were there.

We lived in a great complex near some of our best couple friends. It was across the street from a canal and we had a great view of the water. We took lots of after dinner strolls around that canal.

And I never saw any snakes. Or pythons or anything else worthy of calling 9-1-1.

Until one day I went to get our mail behind our apartment. As I was crossing the parking lot I saw a car stopped behind my car. The man inside said a giant snake just crawled up in “that” car. I asked “which car?” And he pointed to MINE.

Now that was just too much. You see this “snake” was no regular, ordinary snake. As awful as regular, ordinary snakes are, this one was horrendous. It was close to 8 feet long and about 8 inches in diameter. That’s a big, fat snake people.

IT WAS AWFUL.

And if you are going to see a snake that big it should be in the zoo or at a snake museum or on TV or anywhere besides my car!!!

And so I began running. Clear around the parking lot, hurdled some bushes and began banging on back patio door. I was hysterical. I told Bill to call 9-1-1 because a snake was on my car.

I think he thought this was a “regular, ordinary” snake and didn’t call, but he did put on his rain boots…in case the snake decided to lunge towards his ankles I guess.

He went out to survey the situation while I got 9-1-1 on the line.

This is where they told me they don’t handle snake calls. (My sister told me I should have said the snake was in cardiac arrest. I didn’t think that quickly though.)

But I did tell them the snake might eat small children and they needed to find someone who could help me.

They suggested animal control.

Now I myself don’t consider a snake an animal but instead a reptile, but I called anyway.

They said they’d be there when they could.

NO ONE, I repeat, NO ONE seemed to understand the urgency of the situation.

Except for me…and Bill…and the man who had first seen the snake.

You see he went home and before long came running through the parking lot carrying a SWORD raised above his head. He looked like Napolean Bonaparte or something and I wondered if I should be more afraid of him or the snake.

He then told us he’d slice the snake but later decided (I’m not making this up) that he didn’t want to get his sword dirty. So he went back home. Apparently the sword was just for show.

And here is what happened after that…

Animal control suggested that if we thought the snake was poisonous that we should kill the snake. And I don’t know how they wanted us to determine if it was poisonous or not so we just decided it was and that we (Bill) would kill it.

The snake was coiled up on top of my back tire. Bill got into the car (the bravery of that act alone is remarkable) and put the car in reverse and squished the snake. (Please note, I was inside watching from the window. Actually I wasn’t really watching. I couldn’t bear it.)

The car had to sit on the snake for a really long time and the snake made a terrible noise as it “deflated.” Bill turned on the car radio and listened to a Texas Rangers baseball game for the 2 hours it took animal control to show up.

And then you want to know what happened?!?

It was dark now and so the animal control guy put his headlights towards the snake and wrapped a pole around it’s neck. He then took out his “is it poisonous or is it not book” and determined that it was not poisonous.

And he (seriously) looked at Bill with sad, sad eyes and said…“you shouldn’t have killed it. This snake was our friend.”

And Bill said…“that snake was NOT my friend!”

And the animal control guy left.

And to this day I think 9-1-1 would have come if they had known the snake was really that big.