The wild, wild west ... (ok, it's just Houston)

This is my neighbor Joe.

You know, Joe the neighbor.

Joe and I  live in a neighborhood in the 4th largest city in the United States.  Rumor has it Houston will be the 3rd largest city soon (beating out out Chicago) after the new census numbers are posted.  We live in a suburb with tree lined streets and nearby elementary schools.  There are large shopping areas all around us … everything we could possibly need is minutes away.  What I’m saying is that it’s an URBAN area.

Which is why yesterday … when I was driving Savannah to ballet and got a phone call from Brittany saying “there’s a snake in our house!” … well, I didn’t believe her.

I told her … “we don’t have a snake in our house.  I think it’s one of Jacob’s toys.”

And she said … “MOM, it’s moving.”

I ask you … WHY this year have I had a possum, gecko and now a SNAKE in or at my house?

I have no idea.  It’s like I live in the wild kingdom or something.  One friend even said … “there’s gonna be a bear on your roof before we know it.”  (Which clearly, if that ever happens, will mean I need to move up my plans to retire in Hilton Head to right away.)

We had a larger snake in our flower beds a few months ago … and perhaps this younger, smaller one came back for revenge.  Because Joe the neighbor came over and killed the first one for us.

Which is exactly why I didn’t even pull in my driveway, but drove straight to Joe’s … banged on the door … and declared .. “JOE, we have a snake IN the house.  COME QUICK.”

Joe doesn’t seem to mind when I get bossy.  He’s nice that way.

And so Joe the neighbor pulled a 2 x 4 board and a broom out of the back of his truck and came to my house.

Meanwhile, I’m on the phone with Brittany saying things like … “Keep your eye on it.”  “Don’t let it go down the hall.”

At some point I realized two of my babies were in danger and I was standing in the front yard talking on my cell phone like I was negotiating a hostage situation.

Brittany and Jacob … I’m really sorry about that.  I’m quite sure the best plan would have been to actually come inside and keep an eye on the snake myself.

But that sounded so scary.

Seriously … I mean here is the snake.  Again, it was … INSIDE MY HOUSE:

We took this picture after Joe smashed his (or her?) head and put it in the street … you know … so Bill could see what he missed when he got home … from downtown … because you know, I mentioned … we live in the BIG CITY.

And just so you know … this is not my first encounter with a snake being inside my house.  The other time was when I was in high school and I went out on a date one night.  My date was a total gentleman and walked me to the front door.  We said good night and he walked towards his car and I walked into the house.

ONLY TO HAVE A SNAKE STARING ME IN THE EYES.  (Well, not exactly in the eyes seeing how it was on the ground, but you get the idea.)

I SCREAMED.  OH PEOPLE I SCREAMED MY FOOL HEAD OFF.

And my dad came running.  I had woken him out of a dead sleep and yet he was running full speed ahead towards the front door.

I mean can you blame him?!?  His daughter was on a date and suddenly she’s screaming bloody murder.

There was a brief second when I thought he was going to kill my date.

He did not but I can assure you … when I told him it was a snake (and I wasn’t referring to my date), he wasn’t very happy with me.

I think he might have thought I overreacted.

You’re shocked, I know.

Anyway … that slimy snake slithered underneath the piano and I’m not sure my dad even believed there was actually a snake.

But eventually we found it and my dad disposed of it.

And I don’t think that guy ever asked me out again.

The end.